Hi friends,

Do you ever feel “stuck?” Do you ever struggle to make a decision even though you feel it’s right in your heart? Do you find yourself struggling to be present for fun, relaxing, joyful, or otherwise unproductive times?

If you’re anything like me, then we’re in great company.

This past summer I had the special opportunity to go to Southern France with my mom and my husband Jake. That’s right, it was KID FREE, can you even believe it? We spent months planning and saving for it, and it was all it was cracked up to be! From the coast of Cannes to the Roman ruins, it truly was a dream come true! And, special shoutout to the photographer mom. I wouldn’t have any pictures of this without her.

This was a special opportunity and yet, I found myself and others having to “justify” the trip.

“I’ve been working so hard at school, I deserve a break…”

“The kids need time with the grandparents…”

“I could learn more about culture, and it will help me avoid burnout…

“My marriage needs this…”

Through this little vacation (more of an adventure…Driving in Marsielle is everything BUT a vacation!) I kept wondering, why do I justify joy?

Why do WE feel the need to justify?

All of my “justifications” are true. I DID deserve a break. The kids needed (and exhausted) their grandparents, and traveling always gives me a fresh reminder that humanity is more than psychopathology. My husband and I really loved the togetherness we had.

But I don’t have to justify anything. I could have spent the money on this trip Just. Because.

We don’t have to believe in the Myth of Justification.

We get stuck when we start trying to find “a good reason” to make our decisions. This not only puts power outside of ourselves and into the hands of the Fake-God-of-What-Others-Think, it also puts us into fear.

When we buy into the myth of justification, we are buying into fear. We are afraid of what others will think. We are afraid of failure. We are afraid of making mistakes. We are afraid of being irresponsible.

We are afraid we aren’t good enough or worthy.

And, often, when we spiral into justification, we stop talking about our hearts and start talking about others. This takes away vulnerability and authenticity, and leaves us feeling alone, shameful, and disconnected.

I’m here to let you know that you don’t have to justify being happy.

That relationship you really want to leave? You don’t have to wait around for the perfect reason or a laundry list of what’s wrong.

That relationship you want to save? You don’t have to justify why you love the person and why you want to fight for a healthier connection.

That business you’re ready to start? You don’t have to justify your value or your passion with dollar signs.

That boundary you’ve been meaning to set? You don’t have to justify your needs or emotions. You get to ask for what you need.

That decision that would REALLY bring you joy, but may have a lot of risk?

You don’t have to justify joy!

“Okay Leah, I get it. But how do I stop?”

Good question. Basically, I don’t have the answer! There is no silver bullet for this self-defeating habit. We’ve been conditioned to justify everything we do since elementary school (anyone else having flashbacks of math proofs?)

But, we can start with being mindful of our fears by asking ourselves the WHY behind our justifications

And, I have a little tool that has helped me and many others get a head start on this. I’d love to take the credit, but the truth is this tool has been bouncing around the healing world for some time.

It’s called your Personal Bill of Rights. It’s exactly what the name implies; you make a list of your personal rights as a human being. Here is a link to an example, but feel free to add more and be specific to your circumstances. The more personal and specific you can be, the better.

And I’ll take the plunge of vulnerability and share one of mine: “I have the right to work on my passions without feeling mom-guilt!” ( Notice how its specific and pointed to my current circumstances and struggles).

Now, again, this tool isn’t the silver bullet. But using your bill of rights is a great step forward to challenging your fears that uphold this horrible myth.

It reminds us of our worth, our power, and our rights that are given to us just. because. we. exist.

No justification. No earning. No worthiness.

I hope you found something in this post today. If I’ve learned anything in my life, its how much we truly need others. Don’t hestitate to reach out to your support network if you find yourself spiraling into the myth of Justification. And as always, you can email or text me any time if you want to learn more.

With Serenity (and, zero justification)

Leah